I did not ask for my title. I did not ask to be placed here, in this world, in this life, in this body.

I can feel tears on my head, warm and seconds later cold, hn. That sounds a lot like me. I suppose theres no point in thinking about how I came to be here, everyone knows why I am like I am, well, they think they know. They think one look is all it takes, things aren't always as they seem kids.

I hold him tighter, the stupid brat, stupid, convenient, brat. I feel like I have to be closer to him, his warmth is pulling me down. I want to pull myself so close we become one and I won't have to deal with anything anymore.

I wont have to have people say they understand, they know, it's OK. They don't, they, don't and it isn't.

Doesn't seem like me does it? Don't think I would touch him, me the high mighty prince. Don't think I would… Kneel before him, that what I'm doing isn't it. I suppose it is.

I don't why, I don't know what I'm doing, and this is instinct. That's how I operate. This is something I have no choice in, like my childhood; I had no choice, have no choice.

I hear a soft whimpering sound, and more of the tears I compare myself to. I will never have control of myself. Of anything. I don't have as much power as the strongest. But I have the will.

I honestly don't give a fuck. I have never had control. I wonder what will happen if I got it.

And thinking that I notice, I'm not the one doing the holding, or… I can feel the frown, a weak imitation of my normal scowl, the comforting. I'm being held, touched and though I only noticed his tears and sobs before I can now hear the soft comforting non-sense noises.

My legs are twinging with pain now. How long have we been like this? The pain gets slightly more and it's comforting to know that I have a constant in my life. I must have pain even to have… comfort and something I can… Hold.

I hold him tighter yet again, I'm sure he must be feeling some amount of pain from my crushing embrace, but then, for me to have him is painful for him to have me should be the same.

I don't have control now and never had in the past, may be I can find it. Maybe I can find… That, in the boy before me.

And I wont say it…

He wont know.

Control for once I have to put out of my mind. It has ruled me long enough.